Why did the chicken cross the playground?

I am always concerned about what people think. I want to fit in; I want to be liked; I don't want to be alone. Sometimes, I wonder WHO I really am... am I the person I think I am? I know a lot of times, people make themselves act one way for so long, they lose themselves. Maybe this is deep... maybe it's some crazy identity crisis, but I really want to be authentic. Authentic with a capital A. I don't want to be ashamed of who I am, and I don't want to wonder who I am. So, here are truths as I know them: 

• I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He died on the cross and rose again to save my soul from Hell. 
• I love my husband very, very much. He is my best friend, my true love, and my rock. 
• I love my parents; they're awesome. 
• I love my family, even if I don't like them all the time. 

• I desperately want a baby - family is so important to me, and I want to have one with my husband. 
• I want a house for our future family; a place of our own to really call "home". 
• I want to become healthier so that our family can be healthy and avoid some of the issues I know I've had. 

It has been such a long time since I have posted, but I really need to talk about what just happened to me this evening.

I am babysitting for a family I know who are strong Christians and raise their children in a loving and Christian home. The girls are really smart, are into reading, learning, etc... and are pretty much amazing. Tonight before bed, they wanted to read a book, of course. They picked a Bible story book, and I said we could each pick a story.

The four year old picked "Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors". As we read it, the older one (the younger one too, but not as much) asked questions about the story... why did they sell him? Why did they not like him? etc... I explained that they were jealous, but that God makes everything happen for a reason - even things that seem bad are happening to make something else good. She asked why he forgave them, and I said because God has shown us grace, we should do the same to others. She didn't really understand, so I explained that grace was what God has shown us when he forgives and loves us even when we do bad things. Then she said, "I know about grace!" and started singing Amazing Grace. I seriously teared up - it was so touching that this young girl, she is seven, knew that grace was amazing and it saved us. She told me that she lied sometimes, and when she said it, she got teary eyed. I asked her why, and she said it was because it was hard to admit, but with the grace from God, she knew He forgave her. Wow.

Going on, I picked the story of the woman at the well. There are a LOT of different ways that this can go, but this book turned it into liking people who we might not know and are different from us. The older girl was still talking about grace and how it worked in this story, and she said that God was like our parent, etc... I brought up how everyone is a brother and sister in Christ. She picked right up on this, and started talking about these kids in her class that were not her friends - but that she wanted to be nice to them because they were her brothers in Christ, and that she would try to be nicer to them. She said she wanted to show them grace like God shows us grace. Again. Wow.

The next story she picked was the Widow's Mites - the story about giving God your all. She wanted to read it because she didn't know what a widow or a mite was. I read the story and explained what happened. She told me that she wants to give everything to God and help Him. Wow.

The NEXT (and last) story was called "Humble Jesus"... it was the story where Jesus washes the disciple's feet. She thought it was a great story, and said that she wanted to be humble in a play she was in. She WANTED to be Dorothy in this Wizard of Oz play, but she is the mayor instead. She said it was a great part, but she doesn't want to make anyone feel bad if they really liked it as much as she did.

The girls were really sleepy by now, especially the three year old, so I asked if they wanted to pray before bed. They did, and I helped them say the "Now I Lay Me..." prayer. At the end, the younger one said she wanted to bless "the animals, mommy, daddy, and the people in the world." That's great, and I was so proud of her. The older one said the same thing, and then paused, and said, "...even those people I don't know or I don't like, because they are my brothers and sisters in Christ. So bless them. Amen." I told her it was great that she was doing that, and she said, "oh wait! I forgot! And bless all of the animals in the world, even the ones I don't like, like spiders and snakes, because they are your creation. (pause) And kitties who pee in the house and bite... I hope she (referring to their former cat, who did what she mentioned) is happy in her new home. Bless them all. Amen."

The faith of a child - it is truly amazing. Matthew 18:1-8 says,

"¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
 ²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
 ⁵"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. ⁶But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
 ⁷"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! ⁸If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. ⁹And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."

Ok, so the end is a little dark, but you get the idea. It is truly amazing. These children, three and seven, were LONGING to learn about God and His Word. They wanted to apply it in their daily life. They asked questions, thought of examples, and wanted to hear more.

During this whole time, I felt complete. I felt as though I was doing something I was born to do. This is my gift - God wants me to teach little children about His love, His grace, His mercy, and His son. He gave me the skills to speak in a way that children will understand, the creativity to intrigue them, and the passion for their spiritual journeys. It was a light to show me that I was doing the right thing. It has been so hard lately - I am almost done with school, and it seems that every place I look there are no jobs or they reject my application. It is hard because I know I am meant to do this, and I have hundreds of ideas waiting for the moment when they can be sown and reaped. I feel that this is a time for me to learn patience and humility, and I can tell you right now, it is trying. Tonight was really an amazing experience, and I cannot WAIT to have it happen again.

Dear Lord,

You know how much I want to do Your work in the life of children. I humbly ask that you provide me an opportunity in which to do so, but I will also be patient and wait for your plan to unfold. You know me inside and out, Lord, and I fully and completely trust in your eternal guidance and love. Thank you for everything you have given me, and I especially thank you for this opportunity tonight to spend some time in your Word with these children. It rejuvenated my soul and encouraged me to stay true to You - which is exactly what I needed, which is why You provided it for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

In your name, and with my love - Amen.

Ok, so this isn't going to be some deep, fabulous, in-depth blog. Honestly, though, I don't think anybody reads this, so I guess it doesn't really matter :) IF YOU DO - leave a comment, please! I'm lonely!

Cornflakes and Cranberry Macaroons:

1 cup cornflakes
2 large egg whites
1/4 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups sweetened shredded coconut
1/4 cup dried cranberries

In a medium bowl, whisk together the egg whites and sugar. Mix in cornflakes, coconut, and cranberries. Drop mounds of the mixture (2 T) onto a parchment lined baking sheet and bake 22-25 minutes at 325 - serves 16.

Calories: 59.5
Total Fat: 1.9 g

Low-Fat White Chicken Chili
 
4oz chopped green chili's
2 C onion
2 ribs celery
1 large leek- white only
6 cloves of garlic
2 Tbs cumin
2 Tbs oregano
2 Tbs basil
1 Tsp rosemary
1 Tbs olive oil
8 C chicken Broth or water
2 C navy beans
2 C great northern beans
16 oz chicken breast
1/2 C cilantro leaves
juice from 2 fresh limes
juice from 2 fresh lemons
 
In sauce pan place chili's, onions, celery, leeks, garlic, cumin, oregano, basil, rosemary, olive oil and pepper. Cook over medium heat until tender. Add 8 Cups broth/water, beans, and chicken. Simmer for 40 minutes. Add lime and lemon juices and cilantro and serve immediately - serves 10.
 
Calories: 330.6
Total Fat: 2.9 g


Mexican Crock-Pot Chicken

2-3 chicken breasts

1 can diced tomatoes
1 can black beans
1 can mexican chili beans (Do not drain tomatoes or beans)
1 Package Taco Seasoning
1 can black olives
1 can chopped green chiles

Layer chicken in bottom of crock pot. Add the rest of the ingredients in the order written. Do not stir. Cook on low 7-8 hours. Serves 6.

Calories: 220.5

Total Fat: 5.0 g
Low Fat Hot Spinach Artichoke Dip

1/2 cup plain low fat yogurt, drained

1/4 cup fat-free mayonnaise
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1 14-ounce can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1 bag frozen spinach, thawed and drained
Black pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.


Combine yogurt, mayonnaise and cheese in a small bowl. Add onion and artichoke hearts. Transfer to a small casserole dish. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve hot, warm or cold with whole grain pita triangles, cut veggies or baked tortilla chips. Serves 8.

Calories: 51
Total Fat: 1.7

Jeweled Grape Terrine

2 envelope(s) unflavored gelatin

1/2 cup(s) cold water
1/2 cup(s) sugar
2 1/2 cup(s) late harvest Riesling or other sweet white wine
2 tablespoon(s) fresh lemon juice
2 cup(s) seedless red grapes, chilled
2 cup(s) seedless green grapes, chilled

In cup, evenly sprinkle gelatin over water. Let stand 2 minutes to allow gelatin to absorb liquid and soften slightly.


In 2-quart saucepan, heat sugar and 1 cup Riesling on medium-low, stirring occasionally until sugar dissolves. Stir in softened gelatin mixture, and heat 1 to 2 minutes or until gelatin dissolves, stirring frequently. Remove saucepan from heat. Stir in lemon juice and remaining 1 1/2 cups Riesling.

Pour gelatin mixture into 9" by 5" loaf pan. Refrigerate 1 1/2 hours to let it set slightly. Add grapes, distributing evenly; cover and refrigerate overnight, until firm.

To unmold terrine, place loaf pan up to rim in bowl or sink of warm, not hot, water 4 to 5 seconds. Remove pan from water. Insert small metal spatula around edge of pan to release gelatin. Dry outside of pan. Place serving plate on top of loaf pan, and grasping both together, invert terrine onto plate. With serrated knife, cut into slices to serve. Serves 10 (or eat it all - it'll be 4 grams of fat! And there is Riesling!)
 
Calories: 76.6

Total Fat: 0.4 g

Kale Chips

1 bunch(es) (10-ounce) kale, rinsed and dried well

Nonstick cooking spray
1/2 teaspoon(s) kosher salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. From kale, remove and discard thick stems, and tear leaves into large pieces. Spread leaves in single layer on 2 large cookie sheets. Spray leaves with nonstick cooking spray to coat lightly; sprinkle with salt. Bake kale 12 to 15 minutes or just until kale chips are crisp but not browned. Cool on cookie sheets on wire racks. Serving is 1 cup.

Calories: 15
Fat: 0

If I pick anymore, I'll never do them. But don't these sound good? I really want to try the Kale chips, because I'm ALWAYS craving salt. Yum. So I'll let you know how these go!!

My husband is a sweet, sweet man. He's not romantic or mushy, but sweet. So imagine my surprise when he told me that he had a surprise for me at our wedding. I was excited, but I also cringed... what could it be? No bride really likes surprises at her wedding! I had visions of gigantic fish-lure earrings or smashed cake in my face, but he, once again, showed his sweet side by picking out the song for our last dance. It was The Luckiest by Ben Folds - a song I had on my iPod that I didn't even know he had ever listened to. The song is about being lucky to have your significant other even though you didn't have a perfect past... Here's the beginning of the song:

I don't get many things right the first time

In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here


And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am ... the luckiest ...

Once I heard the first few piano chords, I knew what the song was, and I immediately got teary eyed. The truth is, I am the luckiest. Not only because I'm married to the best man in the entire world (I know everybody says this, but really, it's true!) but because I have a loving family, caring friends, and an eternity in Heaven to spend with them all.

Now, I think, what about those people who don't believe in Heaven or that Jesus is the savior? What do they have to look forward to? Well, to be blunt, Hell. It doesn't matter how nice they are or how generous they are to the people in their life, they are going to be judged and sorted like the grain and chaff.

Again, to be blunt - that sucks!

That's partly why I want to be a youth pastor. To bring people to the Lord so that they can spend eternity (eternity = forever. A really long time. Infinity. You get the idea) not only praising God, but spending it with friends, family, and loved ones. With that being my future, it makes the past 25 years I've spent on Earth seem kind of insignificant. The best way to make a difference while on this planet is to bring people to Heaven with me. Then we will get up there and party like it's 1999 ... until forever. (And maybe not to that song. It's really a terrible song!)

But that was really just a totally different direction than I meant to go with this post. I really want to take a minute to remember how lucky I am to have everything and everybody in my life. So here's a look at all the things that make me the luckiest ...

1. I'm going to Heaven. (see 1999 song reference above)
2. I have a husband who loves me, provides for me, hugs me, and respects me.
3. I have parents who love and respect me not only as their child, but as a friend.
4. I have a brother and sister in law who are fun to hang out with and accept me for who I am.
5. I have a niece who is about the coolest, sweetest, funniest kid in the world.
6. I have a nephew who is almost tied for being the coolest, sweetest, funniest kid in the world (he will be tied once he's potty trained!)
7. I have a job working with babies that enables me to do my school work, eat my lunch, and occasionally watch Grey's Anatomy while the babies sleep. Awesome.
8. I'm getting an Akita. I don't know when, but that's pretty awesome.
9. I'm healthy. Not skinny. Not gorgeous. I am healthy, alive, and breathing. God has given me a new day. Again, awesome.
10. Cherry Coke Zero. Need I say more??
11. Low fat ice cream and popcorn.

Ok, so number 10 and 11 aren't as deep and meaningful as the first nine, but let's face it - they make my quality of life significantly improve!

So, no, I don't get many things right the first time. I stutter when I'm nervous, or I talk so fast you think I'm crazy (which was Chad's first impression of me). I say stupid things on a pretty regular basis. I procrastinate. I'm not famous, rich, or stunning. But I am the luckiest.

As a final note, I realized I used the word "awesome" a lot in this post. What can I say? This life God has given me is pretty awesome!!!

I used to watch three shows with my grandma when I was a kid - The Price is Right (at 11), the news (at 12) and The Young and the Restless (at 1). Right after Y&R was "As the World Turns..." We never actually watch the show, but we always ended up watching the opening credits with the spinning globes and the title of the show. I remember thinking that it was a stupid name for a show because, DUH!, of course the world turns! I assumed that the show was like Y&R, except that it was about astronauts and scientists, because who else would care that the world was turning?

Now when I look back, the first thing I think is, "why in the world did my grandma let me watch the Young and the Restless?" Probably for the same reason we played poker, blackjack, and drank coffee. The second thing I think is, "wow - wouldn't it be fabulous to be the same girl whose highlight of the day was the Showcase Showdown, who thought the news was boring and irrelevant, knew that the Young and the Restless didn't make any sense, and thought As the World Turns was a show about astronauts? Ah... that was the life.

I'm a grownup now. Lame. Ok, it has its good points - driving is nice (except in the winter and when the tank is on E), I don't have to eat food I hate (mushrooms - yuck!), I can stay up late watching scary movies (though I never do, the option is nice), and I don't have to ask permission to do anything (except from my husband, but it's more like asking for a "blessing" than asking for "permission"). However, there are some not-so-good points, too. Bills, for one. Responsibility. Decision making. Being mature. Did I mention bills? So yeah, sometimes being a grownup sucks.

For example, I'm trying to plan my future. This, of course, requires what career I will have when I'm done with my degree. This might seem like an easy task, but really, it's not. I know I want to be a youth pastor or a children's minister, and maybe even the director of Christian Education if I could find an open position. However, there aren't many of those jobs in Grand Rapids or even within an hour, which means I'll have to move. I say "I" will have to move because Chad would have to stay here until he found a job wherever I was. This could take a couple of weeks of a year, who knows in this economy! I know I am supposed to let go and let God, but goodness, it's hard!!I feel like I'm torn between putting all my faith in God, like I know I should, and wanting to do the human thing - worry, plan, and worry some more. One of my favorite Bible verses is Matthew 6:25-27...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (NIV)

And Matthew 6:34 ...

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)

So I'm really, really, really trying. I'm trying to not to worry, but just ask God to take over. I recently wrote as a Facebook status that I wish God and I were on the same page... somebody wrote back "you are, but you just want to read ahead!" I thought that was a great way to put it. So for now, I'm going to try to go back to the days where the news didn't make sense and As the World Turns was about astronauts. Or, if nothing else, I'm going to try to have the faith of a child and let God be in charge.

One final thought - I know it's a lame song, but I've always loved Garth Brooks' song, "Unanswered Prayers" -

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...