I used to watch three shows with my grandma when I was a kid - The Price is Right (at 11), the news (at 12) and The Young and the Restless (at 1). Right after Y&R was "As the World Turns..." We never actually watch the show, but we always ended up watching the opening credits with the spinning globes and the title of the show. I remember thinking that it was a stupid name for a show because, DUH!, of course the world turns! I assumed that the show was like Y&R, except that it was about astronauts and scientists, because who else would care that the world was turning?
Now when I look back, the first thing I think is, "why in the world did my grandma let me watch the Young and the Restless?" Probably for the same reason we played poker, blackjack, and drank coffee. The second thing I think is, "wow - wouldn't it be fabulous to be the same girl whose highlight of the day was the Showcase Showdown, who thought the news was boring and irrelevant, knew that the Young and the Restless didn't make any sense, and thought As the World Turns was a show about astronauts? Ah... that was the life.
I'm a grownup now. Lame. Ok, it has its good points - driving is nice (except in the winter and when the tank is on E), I don't have to eat food I hate (mushrooms - yuck!), I can stay up late watching scary movies (though I never do, the option is nice), and I don't have to ask permission to do anything (except from my husband, but it's more like asking for a "blessing" than asking for "permission"). However, there are some not-so-good points, too. Bills, for one. Responsibility. Decision making. Being mature. Did I mention bills? So yeah, sometimes being a grownup sucks.
For example, I'm trying to plan my future. This, of course, requires what career I will have when I'm done with my degree. This might seem like an easy task, but really, it's not. I know I want to be a youth pastor or a children's minister, and maybe even the director of Christian Education if I could find an open position. However, there aren't many of those jobs in Grand Rapids or even within an hour, which means I'll have to move. I say "I" will have to move because Chad would have to stay here until he found a job wherever I was. This could take a couple of weeks of a year, who knows in this economy! I know I am supposed to let go and let God, but goodness, it's hard!!I feel like I'm torn between putting all my faith in God, like I know I should, and wanting to do the human thing - worry, plan, and worry some more. One of my favorite Bible verses is Matthew 6:25-27...
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (NIV)
And Matthew 6:34 ...
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)
So I'm really, really, really trying. I'm trying to not to worry, but just ask God to take over. I recently wrote as a Facebook status that I wish God and I were on the same page... somebody wrote back "you are, but you just want to read ahead!" I thought that was a great way to put it. So for now, I'm going to try to go back to the days where the news didn't make sense and As the World Turns was about astronauts. Or, if nothing else, I'm going to try to have the faith of a child and let God be in charge.
One final thought - I know it's a lame song, but I've always loved Garth Brooks' song, "Unanswered Prayers" -
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...
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